How to get over an relationship - and move on with your life

Just got dumped, or wondering how to move on from a relationship?

Trying to figure out how to move forward and not get stuck in the longing and missing of that person and or the relationship? I got you boo… I got dumped a few months back and I refused to get stuck in that zone of heartbreak and spending months of sadness and loneliness. So I decided that instead of finding some vice to keep me distracted from facing my feeling, I was going to jump in right away and do the work to move forward.  I was not willing to get stuck in that relationship dum and glum. And I knew I wanted be able to move on to my next relationship with a healthy and positive outlook. 

This is how I am doing it!

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Calling Myself Out on Some Bullsh*t...

👇Click the image to watch this vlog.... in case reading seems to be to much right now. hehe 👇

☝️VLOG ☝️


My last blog post was the end of October. And while I wish I had some big grand excuse of why I have not blogged in 3 months. The truth is it was all because of my own insecurities.

At the end of October I decided that I wanted  to start vlogging! So I set up the camera, choice a great topic, recorded myself for 30 minutes, and loved every minute of it. So I of course, then went out and celebrated how fun this vlogging was going to be!  After an evening of laughing, dancing and just being silly, the next day I started editing the video. And it was then that I temporarily paralyzed myself.

I started picking apart the video.... how what I was saying did not make any sense, how I looked so ‘ugly’ on camera, how my background was not good enough, how weird my hair looked, how tired I looked, how the quality of my camera was not good enough.... and I picked and tore my entire video part. Until all that was left was me crying, and me fully feeling into my own insecurities.

I fully accepted all the bullshit I was telling myself, to the point that I felt like I failed. Which made me think that I cannot do anything. So I stopped blogging in general. (See the spiraling out of control.. 😒) 

Now... it is 3 months later, and I am just now realizing how me allowing myself to listen to those insecurities was my way of protecting myself. Protecting myself from fear. I convinced myself of all the things I was so scared of being judged on. If I saw them first and put a stop to the vlogging, then no one else would have the opportunity to say those mean things to me. I allowed my fear to be so much bigger than my dream! 

Why am I sharing this… Because even though I have spent years working on loving myself, I still have times when I get in my own way. It is going to happen. We are human. 

So how do we make progress (progress not perfection) in getting over our insecurities? 

  • Accepting that they are going to happen from time to time. It is our bodies way of protecting us from getting hurt, repeating past situations, lack of trust, and or not accepting things about ourselves.
  • Acknowledging them when they pop up. (The faster you notice them, the faster you can address them for what they are and move past them. 
    •  Take inventory on why they are happening. Are they coming from a state of fear, self-doubt, insecurity, self-hate, past situations, lack of trust. Some time you will be able to acknowledge them but really pin pointing where they are coming from is where you can make big changes. Then you can combat them with why those thoughts are illogical. And you will be able to keep reminding yourself why those insecurities are incorrect. 
  • Combat it! Make a list of all the things that you love about yourself, and what make you amazing! And every time you were coming from a place of self-doubt, insecurity, or whatever, you can directly refer back to that list to remind yourself of how amazing you are.

I hope you all have an amazing week, full of love, self worth, and motivation to go out there and conquer the world! 

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Leave a comment if you have any questions or just want to say hi! 

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3 Ways to Love You Some YOU

Hello Beautiful Human! 

Welcome to this weeks blog. 3 ways to Love You Some YOU! 

Learning to love ourselves… but were the heck do we even start?

Loving yourself is essential to your personal growth, to fulfilling your dreams, and to developing healthy, happy relationships with others. But it is easier said than done.

We often believe that we do love ourselves, but our actions, reactions, and our lives, tell a completely different story. Instead of trying to just talk yourself into believing you love yourself, start to adopt compassion for yourself with these three steps:

1.    Keep your boundaries. 

Write a list of the things that you need emotionally. Things that are important to you and that hurt your feelings or upset you when they are neglected or violated. Examples of these would be…. getting compassion when you’re hurt; being listened to; being celebrated when you thrive; receiving love and tenderness without asking for it; being cared for; and knowing you can trust someone to keep their word. Whatever is important to YOU is important.

When someone disregards what’s important to you or crosses your boundary, you’ll know, because it hurts. Do not ignore that. Your feelings are there to communicate to you what’s right and what’s wrong.

Let people know what your boundaries are and what you will and will not put up with. If they apologize, forgive them. If they do not, or continue to ignore your boundaries and needs, you want to produce consequences. For example, if you tell a friend that you need them to listen to you and to acknowledge your feelings when you open up about something, but they endlessly ignore you or tells you to get over it, then you should counter with appropriate action, such as finding someone else to confide in.

You may also want to reevaluate the relationship. Relationships are meant to be a two-way street and you should be getting your needs for love, acceptance and respect met just as much as the other person is. Being assertive and taking action to keep your boundaries will build your self-esteem cause it will reinforce your belief in yourself and others, and that you deserve to be loved and appreciated.

2.     Care as much about yourself as you do for others. 

I know.. totally sounds simple, but many of us don’t do this because we think we are being selfish or that our own needs aren’t as important. But They are. It is NOT selfish to care about yourself. Compassion for yourself means showing concern for your own feelings as well as the feelings of others. Try to treat yourself the way you would treat your children or your best friend—with gentleness, concern and a kind heart!

3.    Do what you need to do to be you. 

The first thing is to figure out what makes you feel good. It does not matter what it is, just become aware of how you feel when you do these things. Do you feel drained at work, but inspired when you’re in the garden? Fulfilled when you are writing poetry or doing community service?  Do you feel joyful reading to your kiddos? Find out what makes you feel good and DO IT, as much as you possibly can.

Feeling good is all the consent you need to do what you love to do. And the more you do the things you love, the happier you will become. If that means you have to give up something else, so be it. Maybe you need to spend more time by yourself, if so maybe schedule an hour every weekend to visit one of your favorite places to recharge. Or maybe you need to save up some cash to buy art supplies, or ask your family to look after themselves for a few hours while you take a stress-relieving walk. Perhaps you need to join a group or club to meet like-minded people who inspire you. Make it a priority to do what you need to do to be you and don’t let anyone blame you, criticize you or talk you out of it because they think you are being selfish, silly, or whatever other crap they come up with. Ignore them. You will feel better, plus you will be healthier to really be there for others, and you will like yourself more. You may even learn to love yourself.

Let me introduce myself

HEY, HEY, HEY! 

My name is Stephanie and am quirky, spunky, funky, and fierce. So lets just get that straight. I am a masssssssive doggy lover (mama of 4 fur babies), and I have a slight potty mouth.

And WELCOME to Self Love with Stephanie! <3 ((((HAPPY DANCE))))) 

Let me share a little bit about myself and my journey with you.

In 2016, I had the honor of speaking at a TED event. This talk explains how my life was changed in a moment, and it was this talk that has led me on what is turning out to be one of my greatest adventures... Self Love with Stephanie. 

I decided to listen to my heart and channel my greatest purpose.  It was time to make a bigger impact on the world, and become an unfiltered voice for self-love. (And I am LOUD, so world – watch out!) My mission is to help others learn how to forgive, and love yourself - no matter what you’ve been through and where you are in this exact moment. Because dammit, you are amazing and NO ONE has the power to change that fact.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING is an opportunity to grow and make us stronger. I have learned in my short 30 years, not only was I created to handle a shit-ton, but that my past has giving me one of my greatest gifts. An opportunity to help other. My past made me STRONG enough to learn how to forgive others, forgive myself, and ultimately love unconditionally. 

So here is the hard but necessary part of my journey. The challenges that shaped my passion for change and awareness for SELF-LOVE.

I have lived through 3 decades of sexual abuse, from multiple people. I have a lifelong battle with depression. I suffer from PTSD, night terrors, body dysmorphia and the occasional anxiety attacks. I had to abruptly walk away from my entire family to protect myself and future children. And, I have even been hospitalized for suicide. Pretty shitty right? It was. But I’m not here to focus on that, but I did want you to know that I’ve been through it. Through it all. And I want YOU to know that I made it. I survived, not only did I survive, but I am THRIVING.

And guess what the biggest lesson I’ve learned through all of these horrific events? They had NOTHING to do with me. They were done TO me. Which was not my fault.

I am powerful. I am strong. I am a survivor. I am amazing. And… most importantly? I am still worthy of love! AS ARE YOU!

Now how did I get to this happy, peaceful, healing place? Pull myself out of the depression… suicidal thoughts… anxiety attacks? Not alone. Hell no. Hands-down the biggest thing that literally saved my life was therapy! I have been in therapy consistently since college, for about a year or so I was going minimum of twice a week. The majority were to individual sessions, but I learned so much from rape and sexual assault support groups as well. If I assume that every session cost $100, my best guess is that I have received about $70,000 worth of therapy. (Say what?? Crazy right?!?) 

I believe that everybody should go to counseling. Whether you have traumatic experiences or not. It gives you such a wonderful perspective on your life, and situations that you might never see otherwise. I understand and accept that some of you will still never go to therapy. And that is okay! Whether it's because of finances, lack of insurance, or the fact that you do not feel comfortable sitting on a couch opening up to a stranger. I totally get it.

That is why I started my mission. That is how Self Love with Stephanie was born. I want to share HOW I have transformed my life, and learned to forgive and love myself for all that I am, and all that I am WORTH. I will be sharing the tips and tricks I've learned over the years from multiple therapists. And my ultimate goal for YOU is to help guide your personal journey of self-love.

Now, lets get real y’all. It is so important that you understand that I am not a therapist in anyway, shape or form. Ya better believe! Nor will I ever claim to be. My mission is simple. Share my personal experiences and give insight into what has worked for ME in hopes that some of these strategies will work for you as well.

I am jumping up and down excited to have you here. Please be sure to sign up for my self-love insider group for blog updates, and more.

Can’t wait to get to know you, beautiful!

With lots of SELF-LOVE,

Stephanie

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